Level 2/ Day 19

Level 2/ Day 19

I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me last night, I tossed and turned until about 0600, and just gave up and got ready and went to work.

I stopped at Dunkin Donuts on my way and grabbed a large latte, one spelda, and skim milk and a reduced fat blue berry muffin; sounds healthy probably not really though.

I went to work my first day back from leave, played catch up for a while until we had a safety stand down at 845. Quarters and training, actually, wasn’t that bad considering we sat there half the day; it might have been the fact it was negative degrees in there, I was so cold I went into shock. The heat is broken in the auditorium.

After we got back from all of that it was a little past lunch so I sat and had a small salad and a few cocktail shrimp.

It was a pretty hectic afternoon and evening I was really busy, later on in the day I snacked on a nectarine.

My day was up and down, but an overall good day until around 4 when I got some really bad news from my detailer about our re-location/co-location..
I was really upset leaving work so went tanning after work around 5:30 to try to calm down a bit, since I wanted to talk to Kiel but he was really busy at work.

Level 2/ Day 19!
I got home a little after 6 and did Jillian, I worked out really hard to try to relieve some stress but it didn’t work, I am just sore now. One more day of Level 2.

Afterwards I just relaxed not really hungry, or in the mood to eat.
I talked to Kiel for a while tonight about everything; I started to feel better but not really so much now… the more things came up; I realized more how messed up everything really is..

Over the past month and half there has been more happening in my personal life than I've felt that I could handle. It’s not so much handling it, because everything that is happening is out of my hands. I can’t control any of it. I'll admit that I've been angry, bitter, depressed and confused as to why everything has happened. My year ended so amazingly, it just seems like everything has turned haywire, every time I get my hopes up something seems to go wrong.

I had such a wonderful trip to see Kiel, it was like a fairytale, I couldn't have asked for a better time together... and today everything just crushed me; I had something to look forward to, and was excited about everything; our deep conversations, and starting a family. It’s like taking one step forward and two steps back.
I just don’t understand why things just keep getting harder. I just don’t understand why all this craziness is happening all at once.
I am emotionally exhausted.


"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

..I know God wont give me anything I can't handle.